The Blog Your Blog Could Smell Like

Hello, everyone.

Look at your keyboard.

Now back to the screen.

Now back at your keyboard.

Now back to the screen.

Sadly, it isn’t the screen.

But if you stopped wasting your time and got back to your homework, you would probably get a lot done.

Look down.

Back up.

Where are you?

You’re in the same chair with no one but yourself.

What’s in your hand?

Back at the screen.

You have it.

It’s a computer mouse you could use to leave this blog.

The computer mouse is not diamonds.

Anything is possible when you’re still procrastinating on your homework.

I’m on a horse.

The Solution to Depression

I might have just found the solution to a good day.....

And you're welcome.

The Most Impressive Toilet Ever

Now that's a job well done.

Reality Checkpoint: The Stages of Studying

I have an exam in exactly one week.

7 - To balance out the low grade I got on the first test, I’m gonna study each day for just one hour. I can do this. Wait, Glee comes on tonight. I’ll push it to tomorrow. That’s still six whole days of good study right there.

6 – So tired. Nope, not happening.

5 – Pumpkin carving with the roomies! Heeyyy oohh!

4 – Okay, seriously. I need to study today. I’m gonna spend most of the day thinking about studying. No motivaish.

3 – Holy cow, have you been outside today?! Hammock. Subway. Bestie. Best Day Ever.

2 – Today, I got on StudyBlue.com and didn’t see one single study guide posted. Seriously? Dumb.

1 – Library. All night. Facebook. All night. Back to my apartment to lie down. I’ll get up around 4am to look at this.

5 mins – I’m so screwed.

(Just realized I wrote this as a girl. Talent, people.)

I support this.

I'm looking forward to getting one of these brown wristbands.

Reality Checkpoint: Classmate Conversations

Me: (sitting at library computer)

Dude: (walks by)

Me: What’s up, man?

Dude: Not much. What’s goin’ on, dude?

Me: I’m not 100% sure of your name, so I’ll call you man or dude or something like that for now.

Dude: Same here, man.

Me: The only thing we have in common is this one class so that’s probably what this whole conversation will be about.

Dude: Yeah, about that freaking class! It makes me want to kick a baby!

Me: Yeah, no joke, man. That teacher makes me cry at night.

Dude: How are we supposed to follow what she’s saying if all she does is tell stories and doesn’t even use PowerPoint?!

Me: For real, dude. This is the point in the conversation where I kinda tune you out and start to wonder when you’ll continue on your way so I can study the notes someone in class sent me.

Dude: Wait, you have notes? Would you mind sending me those? I’ll be sure to send you some when I get them from that girl I sit next to everyday that I kinda know through a mutual friend.

Me: Yeah, man, no problem. I’ll send them to you now, just let me finish thinking about how much of a huge slacker you are.

Dude: Thanks so much, bro. This professor is the Narnian Ice Queen. I hope to even snag a low ‘C’. That’s because I usually start studying the night before around 1am after I get back from Buffalo Wild Wings.

Me: I wouldn’t expect anything less, man.

Dude: Alright, I’m outta here. Gonna try to find a computer in this place so I can listen to my “Daughtry” Pandora station and scroll through several pages of awkwardfamilyphotos.com while people walk behind me who need a computer and get ticked I’m not actually working.

Me: Do work, man.

Dude: (proceeds to next computer where another acquaintance is stationed; similar conversation begins)

Me: (continues to chat on Facebook)

Lil Wayne Wisdom

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."

-Lil Wayne

Haikuku for Cocoa Puffs!

It's been a long time,

Since I last posted a blog,

And since I have pooped.

I'm back.

You know you're a Hipster Christian when...

• ...you check the mirror one last time before you head out to that weekly college service.
• ...you read a John Piper book before the Bible during your devotional.
• ...you tell someone you'll pray for them and then forget. And then remember. And then forget.
• ...you own lots of outdoor gear.
• ...you would NEVER consider buying TOMS a part of your tithe.
• ...you own a Mac. And an iPhone. And an iPod. And have Scripture on the background of all of them.
• ...you spend the time between class watching sermon clips on YouTube.
• ...you pray for the people who yell at "sinners and fornicators" on your campus.
• ...you have more than three journals.
• ...you want social justice more than good grades.
• ...you look for ways to practice humility.
• ...you disclose too much information to that other Christian in your class.
• ...you make fun of other Hipster Christians on your blog that no one reads.

Stuff Christian Guys Like (part 2)

Acoustic Guitars - You know 4 chords. But that doesn't stop you from busting out your acoustic and sitting Indian-style around a circle with your friends. You play two songs over and over. And over.

Becoming A Man - KNIVES! FIRE! YARDWORK! CHOPPING WOOD! PROTECTING ANY FEMALE IN SIGHT! You'll drop your Xbox controller to jump on any opportunity to look manly in front of other people.

Talking About Missions - But never actually doing it. You have a heavy heart for the lost tribes of Africa. And you want to do anything to help and serve them. Gosh, you just want to drop everything you're doing and just go. That's it! You're going! It's official. But first you have 3 more years left in your Business major. Then you'll go. Definitely.

Profile Picture w/ Orphan Child - Incase your friends weren't aware, you went on a mission trip to a third world country. Also, incase any girls weren't aware, you love kids.

Outserving - Above and beyond. That's where your heart rests. Mission trip or summer camp, you are non-stop serving to the max! "That guy is carrying 4 chairs? Well, I'm gonna get 8! Hopefully people will see me do this. But I don't want any credit. All glory to Him."

Stuff Christian Guys Like (part 1)

You've seen the book "Stuff White People Like". You flipped through it and giggled at the hilarious truth that you, as a white person, really do like coffee, running, and breakfast places. This series of posts is another version of this idea. Pretty much, I'm making fun of myself. So, if you're offended by what I write here, you're not alone, because I'm offended by myself. This is some stuff Christian guys like (in no particular order):

Conferences - Youth Group. Small Group. Accountability Group. You're all about groups. Your favorite of them all? The group of 22,000 of your closest brothers and sisters at Passion Conference. You designated yourself as the leader of your family group at Passion and probably disclosed more information than you should have. But no worries, because this is your family. You've listened to every single one of Louie Giglio's podcasts and feel like he's your best friend. Oh, Louie, you're crazy!

Theological Debates - The conversation started 3 hours ago as a simple "Lord willing" comment and has now blown up into a full-fledged battle. You've busted out Romans 9 and there is nothing stopping you from being right. Even though you both are on the same team, you choose to continue to debate. Wait, you *chose* to continue? More like God ordained your choice. No matter how the debate ends up, you are content, because when all is said and done, the Lord planned that debate out since the beginning of time.

Dude. Bro. Man. - You're three favorite words. Even if it's your mother.

Getting Coffee with Potential Future Wife - You're done with dating. You know you want marriage. And she is the one. She just doesn't know it yet. After asking her to coffee 5 times, you're ready to serve and hope she's ready to submit.

PacMan Pie Chart

If I Were...

If I were a musician or a stage performer of some kind, I would change my last name to "Brothers." People would think there were two of us and wonder where my brother was. They would say, "Hey! Aren't there two of them? Where's his brother?" Then I would come on stage and announce that it's just me. People would want their money back. Or at least half of it.

Kicked to the Sesame Street Curb (part 2)

Bart – Bart is Bert’s twin brother. At the show’s conception, Bart was the third roommate. He is the dirty, inappropriate brother who had a difficult time in grade school. Bart was evicted from The Street when he would repeatedly barge in on Ernie in the bathtub.

Harmony – Lights, camera, action! This muppet is all show, all the time. At any point throughout the show, she would break out in song and dance. After finding a large amount of caffeine pills in her purse, Kermit climbed through her window and confronted her. She exclaimed she was fine and began to frantically sing “I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so, I'm so... scared!”

Lawn Jock – Jock is introduced as a mysterious, intellectual and stoic character who is in touch with the earth, has a penchant for hunting and tracking and believes in mystical and spiritual explanations for why things happen in the world. When asked why he does unexplainable actions, he replies, ”Because the Streets told me to.” Jock lives out his dreams of becoming a hunter on the Streets. Being a man of faith, he believes he has a special connection with the Streets, leading him to clash with man-of-science, Elmo.

Kicked to the Sesame Street Curb (part 1)

Life on the streets ain’t easy. And Sesame Street is no exception. In 40 seasons, the show has featured over 1,000 characters. Sure, you know Big Bird and Kermit, but many muppets have been evicted by the producers and are now living under your neighborhood bridges. Here are some muppets that were kicked to the curb:

Pop-Up – At random times throughout the show, he would pop-up in front of the camera and teach kids that it’s rude to interrupt people when they are talking. Pop-Up has a lazy eye and is a mumbler. Every time he would make his appearance, everyone would just shake their heads and exclaim, “Oh, Pop-Up!” Pop-Up failed a routine drug test.

Ronnie Redhead – Ronnie taught kids that everyone is beautiful in their own way. After receiving reviews that her gnarled, muppet face was too graphic for three year olds, she was cut from the lineup.

Tricky – Tricky hung out on the street corner near Oscar the Grouch, offering people a good time and an evening date. She is the only character in this list that was not kicked off by producers. After Wilt Chamberlain guest-starred on the show, she disappeared and was never seen again.

The Situation – Gym. Tanning. Laundry. This muppet’s hair is bulletproof and he speaks in third-person. He was evicted after punching Tricky in the face.

(One of Pop-Up's many bomb threats after being evicted)