The First Annual Croakie Awards (part 1)

Welcome to the first annual Croakie Awards! We are here to celebrate and reward the students of the University of Tennessee at Knoxville for who they are and what they mean to us. A Croakie Award will be given to a type of student on your campus you could probably find right next to you in your lecture class at this very moment. Today’s Croakie Awards are brought to you by the organization of union workers who sit behind the “Shame On You (insert UT official here)” signs.

So with no further adieu, this year’s Croakie Awards for “I’m so Xtreme I lost the first vowel” go to:

First place: Ultimate Sorority Girl – Your passion for Uggs and Nike shorts have single-handedly kept both of these companies in business. You score Pan Points just by waking up in the morning. You have perfected the art of the picture squat. And I thank you providing the world with countless numbers of Facebook event invites per week.

Second place: Die Hard UT Fan – Your blood is orange. Your backpack is orange. Your car is orange. Your plates and cups are orange. The backup quarterback is in your History lecture and you text your whole family to let them know about it. You were going to name your first born son “Knox” until Lane Kiffin beat you to it. Now you are going to name him “Lane.”

Honorable Mention: Bear Grylls Wannabe – You, my friend, have one rad sunglasses tan. Every article of clothing you wear is water repellent. I watched you redirect your walking path to class just so you could walk in the grass. You have a tattoo somewhere on your back that reads “Never Stop Exploring.”

Tough Loss: Superflex in the T-Recs. You spend more time looking at yourself in the wall mirror of the weight room than actually lifting the weight you just picked up and threw on the ground. You take your laptop into class just to use PhotoBooth to check to see how your hair looks under your flat-bill hat. You plan your day around weight lifting and MMA fights on television. You love UnderArmour.

Honorary Life Member of Croakie Awards: Alpha Cri Sorority Girl

"So many people do bad things, and she didn't mean to."